Moving on with your life after going through a divorce seem to be to much, overwhelming even. Your entire world as you know has to be flipped upside down to suit your new single life. A life that you left behind a long time ago, depending on how long you were married. If you have children, this can be quite the daunting task because not only are you single now, but you may have to put all the emotions and feelings of your kids before your own.
For me, the very 1st phase to moving on after going through a divorce, is to realize and accept that things will be different now. Things can't be the same anymore. It is ok, and quite natural, to mourn the loss, but it is not healthy to dwell on it. During this step, you will very likely be facing many difficult emotions like anger, low self esteem, insecurities, depression, confusion, sadness, pessimism, and more. Remember that it is alright and healthy to cry, but at some point the crying and mourning must come to an end. It is fruitless to spend months on end contemplating where your life is or isn't going. After all, you DO have the power to get up, hold your head up high, continue on with your life, smile, and see the future as an empty canvas that you can paint your new future on!
If you have children, then it should be a no-brainer that you should be concentrating on them. Have talks with you kids, possibly even go to therapy with them (temporarily) and heal together. Healthy routines should be established so that both parents can spend quality, uninterrupted time with the kids. The last thing you want is your kids to feel as though they have lost their parents due to the divorce. They do need to understand that they will have to adjust to the fact that things will be different from now on, but they should also realize that that have not lost either parent. They will need the reassurance from both of you that you both still love them unconditionally.
The healing process after divorce is different for everybody and some will get over it quickly, some, on the other hand, will need more time. It's by far better to keep an optimistic outlook on your life and chalk this up as a learning experience. Remember, you are not the only one that is going through this sort of thing. Keep an open mind and be willing to learn from your mistakes so that you don't repeat them in the future. Rediscover what it means to be happy again. But learn to be happy with yourself before you try to be happy with someone else again.
As difficult or impossible as this may seem, try to enjoy this new found time and freedom, find some new hobbies, start a membership at a gym or join a local Zumba class, find old friends that you may have disconnected with over time, or go after goals that you had to give up on because of your marriage. Just do not spend all of your time grieving and risk having your negative state impact your kids or worse, missing your kids growing up.
Staying healthy is often overlooked when going through a divorce. Your mind and body are connected, which means a healthy mind requires a healthy body. While you endure this stressful time, it is easy to binge on sweets, fast food, processed foods, or to just plain over eat. This is a bad habit that will not only affect you and your health, but could set a terrible example for your children. It's ok to order some take out Chinese from time to time but refrain from making this a habit. Children need structure and real, home cooked meals to keep healthy so that they can grieve properly.
Drugs and alcohol should be avoided at this time (anytime in my opinion). Drugs, alcohol, prescription medications, etc. may help you to forget the pain you are dealing with, but reality will always come back to see you. You do not want to start a habit of intoxicating substances to deal with the pain every time it creeps into your consciousness. You need to deal with your emotions in a healthy manner. If you do find you need a distraction from your emotions, try to focus on positive things or a hobby or goal that you want to achieve. Spend time outside, socialize with friends and family, or relax.
The key to moving on after a painful divorce is all about looking forward, not backwards. What's done is done, dwelling on the past cannot change it. Look forward with a positive attitude, hope, joy, optimism, and set goals. Appreciate what you still have and remember that a divorce may very well be exactly what you needed to be truly happy.
For me, the very 1st phase to moving on after going through a divorce, is to realize and accept that things will be different now. Things can't be the same anymore. It is ok, and quite natural, to mourn the loss, but it is not healthy to dwell on it. During this step, you will very likely be facing many difficult emotions like anger, low self esteem, insecurities, depression, confusion, sadness, pessimism, and more. Remember that it is alright and healthy to cry, but at some point the crying and mourning must come to an end. It is fruitless to spend months on end contemplating where your life is or isn't going. After all, you DO have the power to get up, hold your head up high, continue on with your life, smile, and see the future as an empty canvas that you can paint your new future on!
If you have children, then it should be a no-brainer that you should be concentrating on them. Have talks with you kids, possibly even go to therapy with them (temporarily) and heal together. Healthy routines should be established so that both parents can spend quality, uninterrupted time with the kids. The last thing you want is your kids to feel as though they have lost their parents due to the divorce. They do need to understand that they will have to adjust to the fact that things will be different from now on, but they should also realize that that have not lost either parent. They will need the reassurance from both of you that you both still love them unconditionally.
The healing process after divorce is different for everybody and some will get over it quickly, some, on the other hand, will need more time. It's by far better to keep an optimistic outlook on your life and chalk this up as a learning experience. Remember, you are not the only one that is going through this sort of thing. Keep an open mind and be willing to learn from your mistakes so that you don't repeat them in the future. Rediscover what it means to be happy again. But learn to be happy with yourself before you try to be happy with someone else again.
As difficult or impossible as this may seem, try to enjoy this new found time and freedom, find some new hobbies, start a membership at a gym or join a local Zumba class, find old friends that you may have disconnected with over time, or go after goals that you had to give up on because of your marriage. Just do not spend all of your time grieving and risk having your negative state impact your kids or worse, missing your kids growing up.
Staying healthy is often overlooked when going through a divorce. Your mind and body are connected, which means a healthy mind requires a healthy body. While you endure this stressful time, it is easy to binge on sweets, fast food, processed foods, or to just plain over eat. This is a bad habit that will not only affect you and your health, but could set a terrible example for your children. It's ok to order some take out Chinese from time to time but refrain from making this a habit. Children need structure and real, home cooked meals to keep healthy so that they can grieve properly.
Drugs and alcohol should be avoided at this time (anytime in my opinion). Drugs, alcohol, prescription medications, etc. may help you to forget the pain you are dealing with, but reality will always come back to see you. You do not want to start a habit of intoxicating substances to deal with the pain every time it creeps into your consciousness. You need to deal with your emotions in a healthy manner. If you do find you need a distraction from your emotions, try to focus on positive things or a hobby or goal that you want to achieve. Spend time outside, socialize with friends and family, or relax.
The key to moving on after a painful divorce is all about looking forward, not backwards. What's done is done, dwelling on the past cannot change it. Look forward with a positive attitude, hope, joy, optimism, and set goals. Appreciate what you still have and remember that a divorce may very well be exactly what you needed to be truly happy.